i want to be in an environment where i can explore the depths of my creativity.
to get there, however, there are some changes that would have to be made
i know that this is just simply the truth.
there are things we want, and there are ways to get there.
well... what's stopping us?
it can vary between a lot of things
but we are aware of those obstacles too
we are able to rationalize our thoughts, this is how humans evolved
our ancestors set the foundation for where we are today
and we carry the same burden
it's such a complex thought, yet the answer is so simple
if i were to ask you "hey, what should you be doing right now?"
you would know the answer
the days where we think we don't have that answer,
we actually do have it. it's just diluted with distractions, temptations, desires...
if you give yourself THE TIME TO THINK, it will come to you
but that's the thing right? giving yourself the time to think
it's so hard nowadays, everything wants your attention
everything is designed around the sole purpose of catching your attention
it's all playing on your emotions, genetics and psychology which has evolved over millions of years
and knowing this, it's tempting to give yourself an excuse as to why you're not perfoming
but you know what?
you're better than that
you're reading this because you're like me, you want more
fuck, you might even be doing a better job than me
and if that's the case, it's all the more reason for me to continue
i don't think i can be clearer that this, but just start
you ARE in control
shape your future, sculpt it. make it the way you want it to be
that "vision" of yours? that image of where you want to be? who you want to be?
make it come to life
make the future you happy, it's a person too, after all
get the ball rolling
you know its the right thing to do
be apart of it all
let's get a little bit more personal
like i stated before, i want to be in an environment where i can explore the depths of my creativity
but what does this exactly mean?
my mind sometimes feels like waves of explosions
there are so many things i want to do, need to do, should do
there's stress, there's love, there's passion, there's ambition
and it's hard to ground myself sometimes
altough i typically don't like getting lost in my thoughts
sometimes it's nice to explore them
and whenever i explore them, i find a part of me that's locked behind a door
that door is waiting to be opened
i don't know how big the room behind it is, but i can feel it's presence
sometimes it likes to slip through, and whenever it does, i feel like a part of me comes to surface
i know how to unlock that door, and it will cost me my life
my younger years were tough, very tough
i'm one of the first generations to grow up with the internet
and during my time growing, it was still 'taboo' to be online as much as i was
but the internet was a place for me to escape to
my environment was something my young mind could not handle
i've gone through homelessness, debt collectors, parents crying, small house, no family outside of my parents, ...
it felt like i was in a cage
and my young self didn't understand why we had to be like this
thinking back on it, i wish i could go back just to give myself a hug
today, i'm still broke, still with my parents but man... there's this feeling inside of me which is indescribable
even though i have the ideal background to label myself as a victim, outcast or whatever
that's not who i want to be
that feeling inside of me is just so powerful, and it hurts that i can't express it as much as i want
that's that door i'm talking about
i want to show you parts of me in ways which i could never do before
but first, i'll need the key to that door
and we all know what that key is
